This is a heartbreakingly beautiful read. I too am a daughter with a hole in my heart, and I am grateful to say that your piece and your writing filled that hole with hope. A hope that tells me I’m not alone with my feelings. Tears were flowing down my face reading this and it felt painful in some ways and freeing in others. Thank you, really, for being vulnerable and honest ❤️🩹 I wish you all the best in this world ✨🫂
This warms my heart! And it is exactly the reason I decided to publish it in the end: Hoping that people out there will read it and realize that they are not alone. Thank you for this lovely comment. 🧡
this was so heartfelt. and this - "without rest your own needs feel like a burden" - is so true. thank you for such a nice read ◡̈ i'm glad you decided to publish it.
This is so beautiful, so real. These are the type of thoughts you don’t share with anyone, you can hardly come to terms with them in your own mind. I totally understand why it wasn’t easy for you to publish it, that’s why big thank you for doing it!!
Wow... How can this tragic story be written in such a lovely way is beyond me. This was a beautiful and captivating read from beginning to end.
Being on the opposite side of the spectrum with the golden ticket I, of course, cannot relate with what you have gone through. But I will say that it has made you stronger, wether you realise it or not. Kepp going!
🧡🧡🧡 Thank you Milka. This is exactly why I wrote it the way I did, so everyone, even people with the "golden ticket" would be able to read and understand it. That this worked makes me really happy, thank you.
Annika, this is so moving, and you are so brave for writing it and sharing it with the world! I wish more people who lived similar experiences did, so we can destroy the stigma around (adult) children speaking up. I have a similar experience and I also have hundreds of pages written, just to make sense of my experience, to see I'm not crazy or ungrateful, hundreds of pages to calm my heart. I haven't been home in 5 years, and every time I think of it, I'm afraid to go back there...
I had to stop and take a break from reading your piece, right after you saw the woman trimming the rose bush, as I felt a heavy load on my chest. I think there is nothing worse in this world than children's pain of not being loved properly. We carry it with us everywhere we go in this world, we believe there must be something essentially wrong with us. And that guilt you mention is so powerful some days. That guilt which is paradoxical in our minds, to revolt against the people who were supposed to love you best because they hurt you so much.
Wonderful, vulnerable piece with a wonderful storyline too: despite everything, thank God for good people around, people with whom we're often not related by blood. ❤️
Thank you 🧡🧡🧡 This is exactly the reason why I eventually published the piece. I know I am not alone, we are not alone, but what is written about adult children going no contact with their parents is often a very negative view on the decision. How we feel about it is often not even considered. The guilt, I agree, is by far one of the worst feelings. Thank you for writing this comment, it made my day.
Beautiful! I love how it’s both raw and honest and from the heart and also how much detail and thought you clearly put into it to turn it into what it is. 🧡
Annika, this is so beautiful, poignant and deeply resonant. It made me think of the concept of ambiguous loss, which includes a type of loss characterized by the co-existence of physical presence / existence with psychological absence. And how even within this concept, there is little to no discussion of the phenomenon of voluntarily or consciously chosen psychological absence by parents, and the impact this leaves on their children.
Learning to recognize the nature of ambiguous loss in my life in relation to my childhood and both my parents, finding my own way to grieve this, and recognizing this as a grief I will be holding for the rest of my life, has been a huge part of my journey towards tending to the invisible hole in my heart.
I’m so grateful to you for your courage and vulnerability with sharing this story, and also for being able to find my way here – I came to think it was a synchronicity connected to my latest piece published around the same time as yours, which coincidentally was also about healing a daughter’s hungry heart. Sending you all my best wishes and support as you continue writing about what matters to you (as well as to so many of us), and I look forward to reading more of your writing <3
This was really beautiful and as another millennial thirty something year old (who still feels like a teen) childhood wounds are such a journey
They sure are, those wounds are with you wherever you go. I am really glad that you enjoyed the piece. Thank you for this lovely comment. 🧡
This has moved me. It’s raw and is something I can relate to
Thank you for this lovely comment. I was really scared posting it, it means a lot that you were able to relate to it.
This is a heartbreakingly beautiful read. I too am a daughter with a hole in my heart, and I am grateful to say that your piece and your writing filled that hole with hope. A hope that tells me I’m not alone with my feelings. Tears were flowing down my face reading this and it felt painful in some ways and freeing in others. Thank you, really, for being vulnerable and honest ❤️🩹 I wish you all the best in this world ✨🫂
This warms my heart! And it is exactly the reason I decided to publish it in the end: Hoping that people out there will read it and realize that they are not alone. Thank you for this lovely comment. 🧡
this was so heartfelt. and this - "without rest your own needs feel like a burden" - is so true. thank you for such a nice read ◡̈ i'm glad you decided to publish it.
Thank you for such a nice comment. I am glad you enjoyed it. 🧡
This is so beautiful, so real. These are the type of thoughts you don’t share with anyone, you can hardly come to terms with them in your own mind. I totally understand why it wasn’t easy for you to publish it, that’s why big thank you for doing it!!
Thank you so much for this lovely comment. 🧡
Wow... How can this tragic story be written in such a lovely way is beyond me. This was a beautiful and captivating read from beginning to end.
Being on the opposite side of the spectrum with the golden ticket I, of course, cannot relate with what you have gone through. But I will say that it has made you stronger, wether you realise it or not. Kepp going!
🧡🧡🧡 Thank you Milka. This is exactly why I wrote it the way I did, so everyone, even people with the "golden ticket" would be able to read and understand it. That this worked makes me really happy, thank you.
Annika, this is so moving, and you are so brave for writing it and sharing it with the world! I wish more people who lived similar experiences did, so we can destroy the stigma around (adult) children speaking up. I have a similar experience and I also have hundreds of pages written, just to make sense of my experience, to see I'm not crazy or ungrateful, hundreds of pages to calm my heart. I haven't been home in 5 years, and every time I think of it, I'm afraid to go back there...
I had to stop and take a break from reading your piece, right after you saw the woman trimming the rose bush, as I felt a heavy load on my chest. I think there is nothing worse in this world than children's pain of not being loved properly. We carry it with us everywhere we go in this world, we believe there must be something essentially wrong with us. And that guilt you mention is so powerful some days. That guilt which is paradoxical in our minds, to revolt against the people who were supposed to love you best because they hurt you so much.
Wonderful, vulnerable piece with a wonderful storyline too: despite everything, thank God for good people around, people with whom we're often not related by blood. ❤️
Thank you 🧡🧡🧡 This is exactly the reason why I eventually published the piece. I know I am not alone, we are not alone, but what is written about adult children going no contact with their parents is often a very negative view on the decision. How we feel about it is often not even considered. The guilt, I agree, is by far one of the worst feelings. Thank you for writing this comment, it made my day.
You're welcome. Also, saying/writing things and letting them see the light of day makes them less heavy sometimes. ❤️
Beautiful! I love how it’s both raw and honest and from the heart and also how much detail and thought you clearly put into it to turn it into what it is. 🧡
Thank you so much! I am still scared that this piece is online, but responses like yours make it all worth it. Thank you!
Annika, this is so beautiful, poignant and deeply resonant. It made me think of the concept of ambiguous loss, which includes a type of loss characterized by the co-existence of physical presence / existence with psychological absence. And how even within this concept, there is little to no discussion of the phenomenon of voluntarily or consciously chosen psychological absence by parents, and the impact this leaves on their children.
Learning to recognize the nature of ambiguous loss in my life in relation to my childhood and both my parents, finding my own way to grieve this, and recognizing this as a grief I will be holding for the rest of my life, has been a huge part of my journey towards tending to the invisible hole in my heart.
I’m so grateful to you for your courage and vulnerability with sharing this story, and also for being able to find my way here – I came to think it was a synchronicity connected to my latest piece published around the same time as yours, which coincidentally was also about healing a daughter’s hungry heart. Sending you all my best wishes and support as you continue writing about what matters to you (as well as to so many of us), and I look forward to reading more of your writing <3